Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Let’s Get Real:

“To change without changing”

 

In the process of writing this book I have been posting each chapter on a blog so that my family, friends, and past teachers can feel connected with my college experience. I also decided to make business cards and hand them out during my tours with the Admissions Ambassador program. I thought that this would be a great way for students to connect with me before I even graduate college. This has also helped benefit the process of in which I have written this book. My mom, who has probably been the biggest help of all in the process, is always willing to give her opinion about each chapter. Even though I value my mom’s opinion; I feel like sometimes that she has to be somewhat too nice to me, so when I get advice from non-family members I really take it to heart.

After the Duke game I headed home for Spring Break, to kick back, make a few bucks, and throw my parents a surprise 25^th wedding anniversary party. Spring Break is a great time to get caught up on sleep, go on a trip, or in my case go back home and spend time with your family. I guess all of the college breaks are like that, but it seems as if each new one is different. Like I mentioned, a number of different people have been reading my blog, and most of those people are from back home. During spring break my preacher called me from my hometown church to explain that he had read my blog in its entirety. We spoke for about twenty minutes about my blog postings, and he gave me some really intriguing insights. He told me that he enjoyed reading about all of my experiences, and even mentioned a few stories from his college days. However, he presented me with a challenge. He asked me to get real with the reader. To get more personal with what is going on in my life as a college student. For a minute I was confused because I feel as if I have been pouring my thoughts and heart into this book. And then he asked me a very important question, “What have you not succeeded at?” I didn’t know what to think, primarily because I really hadn’t thought about it. My plan for this book was to explain how to become a successful college student, but what I didn’t realize was that I hadn’t really elaborated on the times or the parts of my experience that hadn’t been successful. The only part that I had explained was how I was dealing with homesickness. After concluding our conversation I began to ponder about what I was leaving out, and realized I have a lot to share. So if you don’t mind, sit back, get a cola, and enjoy this chapter J.

As I write about the negatives or failures I have had while in college, I don’t want you to be scared about attending college. A wise man once said,  “….I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” –Michael Jordan

When you begin college you will soon learn that it will challenge you mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually. In my opinion at least of one of those traits will be challenged at any given time during your entire life.

Anyone can tell you that college will challenge you mentally. However, no one can tell you how it will challenge you. Most are challenged by either their course load or the feeling of homesickness. The meaning behind the title of “to change without changing” is that college will make you a different person, but you should never change who you are. What I mean by change is that I have seen my life change in a blink of an eye. I mentioned before that my aunt passed away with cancer right before I moved in to my dorm in August. My aunt was the backbone of our family. She was the center and the home of “fun times.” If we were to have a cookout with our families, we went to Tina’s, if I was bored on the weekend, we went to Tina’s. Tina was so special to my family, and I am so thankful that God allowed her to spend her years entertaining my crazy family. When I came home for the first time in the fall, I found myself thinking about going to Tina’s to hang out. Life is full of change, and it is so hard sometimes. Coming home to my house is another story. During the conversation with my preacher, he shared that he believes that you can never come back home. He explained that home will never be the same again. Yes, home is where the heart is, but it will never be the same. You are no longer that little boy running through the hallways. That was a tough pill to swallow. Every experience is different, but it feels as if I walked off of the stage on June 8^th 2012, and stepped into a college classroom. It goes that fast, and your life changes just as fast.  

The academics in college can challenge you in ways that the high school classroom never did. In a college class you are surrounded by people who are just as smart as or smarter than you. The college course load has been at times hard to handle for me. I find myself getting less sleep, and having less fun when I have to study for exams. It is never fun to spend a Friday or Saturday night studying. But, you have to accept it in order to be successful. I will say that coming to college has made me a better student, but I haven’t made better grades while in college. In high school I never made a B, so coming to UNC I thought I could continue that path. After a few failed exams, I soon learned that probably wouldn’t happen. The point at which you begin to accept B’s is hard. At least for me I wasn’t used to making that kind of grade and got really down on myself. For instance, this semester I have not been doing well in my Italian class. I continually call my mom and tell her how hard it is, and how I feel like I will never make it through the class. By being the great mom that she is, she helps me get through it and some of my stress goes away. When she finally asked me what my grade was in the class, I told her it was in the B to B+ category. She said, “What?!! Austin, do you know that I have been praying for you because I thought you were failing?” I didn’t realize that was how bad my attitude had gotten about the class. I honestly have not enjoyed that class because I know that the best I can make is a B+. In some college classes, you will try your hardest, and still make a B. I learned very quickly that a B is not a bad grade in college. The stress that you give yourself is actually worse than any grade you could ever receive.

In November, I became an uncle which has continued to change my life. Since then I have watched my nephew Luke grow and it has been quite an experience. When you see the happiness a family can have with a little miracle, it really gives you hope about your future. When I come home I get to see my nephew, and it is always nice seeing him smile. However, I don’t get to see him every day like I would like too. Every time that I get to see him, he looks different. Luke is a lot like my life, everyday something is changing. My sister and her husband, just recently bought their first home, and it just happens to be right behind the house I grew up in. The next time that I return home I will be able to have a good meal, see my nephew, and share a few laughs in a radius of about 100 feet.

How could college challenge you physically? In a recent article I read, it said that most college students gain on average a half a pound a week. This is obtained by overeating, drinking, and lack of exercise. It was hard for me to believe this statistic, but the article explained that in an average dorm room people have all of their needs. For example, its only two steps to the fridge, three to the bed, and one to the desk. In your dorm, you do much less walking than you do inside your house. I have gained a little bit of weight while in college, which is surprising to me because I thought I wouldn’t gain any. I figured I could workout, and eat the right amounts each day. However, sometimes homework and studying takes priority over working out. The physical aspect can actually affect your mental outlook. My advice would be to try and do something active at least five times a week. This is because working out is a huge stress reliever, and when I am not active I am less productive and feel a little depressed.

Different people deal with the social pressures of college in a variety of ways. As you know from reading a previous chapter that I don’t believe in drinking. If you are coming to college to go partying every weekend, you are coming for the wrong reasons. I have changed socially in the way that I go about meeting new people. When I was in high school I felt like I was there to please other people. So, I would never do some of the things I really wanted to do. Please don’t get me wrong, I loved every minute of high school, but in high school you are sometimes bullied or looked down upon if you do something different. For instance, I would have never dressed up like Tinkerbelle or been a Banana Man in high school. For some reason or another, college has given me a since of boldness, or maybe I had it all along.

My spiritual life has never been tested like it has been tested in these last few months. I haven’t had anyone challenge my faith in a public setting yet, but I have had to work with my personal faith. I am a Christian, and God is my number one. However, sometimes I think it would be hard for anyone to realize that. Some people have heard me cuss, be negative to others, and seen me miss church on multiple occasions. During the first semester I actually found myself attending church on a pretty regular basis, but as time began to progress, the time at church began to diminish. I was more worried about basketball games, tests, and sleep. Even though all of those are important, nothing is more important than God. Since I am on my own now, it seems as if I have figure that continued to realize what God has done for my family and I. Even though I have realized these things I still haven’t made it to church like I used to or worked on my relationship with Christ like I would have hoped. In my opinion, I have fallen into a comfort zone. If you are unfamiliar with the term “comfort zone” that is just went you are in peace with your life. No one should ever be in their comfort zone because there is always room for improvement in one’s life. I am truly disappointed in myself for not attending church on the Sundays where I just slept in. I knew committing myself to church would be very difficult, but I didn’t know that it would be this difficult. Even though I have not been going to church on a regular basis, I still read my daily devotional every morning. I would advise you to do so as well. There will be times when you fall into your comfort zone, and feel like you can’t get out, and by having that devotional it can help pull you out.

After rereading this chapter it’s amazing to look back on all that has changed in my life in a short amount of time. I lost a hero, became an uncle, gained a few pounds, and have evolved into a young adult. By reflecting on my college experience it has given me encouragement about my future, and hope when times get tough. To be honest, there are times that I feel like I will never make it across the stage again. When I got to thinking why this might be, I came upon this conclusion. In high school, I knew I was going to college after graduation, but after college graduation I have no idea. There is so much uncertainty about my future, and that is why I have doubt. I have doubt, however I also have faith in my future because I know the man behind it all has already done some miraculous things so far.