Chapter 15
Let’s Get Real:
“To change without
changing”
In the process of writing this book I have been posting each
chapter on a blog so that my family, friends, and past teachers can feel
connected with my college experience. I also decided to make business cards and
hand them out during my tours with the Admissions Ambassador program. I thought
that this would be a great way for students to connect with me before I even
graduate college. This has also helped benefit the process of in which I have
written this book. My mom, who has probably been the biggest help of all in the
process, is always willing to give her opinion about each chapter. Even though
I value my mom’s opinion; I feel like sometimes that she has to be somewhat too
nice to me, so when I get advice from non-family members I really take it to
heart.
After the Duke game I headed home for Spring Break, to kick
back, make a few bucks, and throw my parents a surprise 25th wedding
anniversary party. Spring Break is a great time to get caught up on sleep, go
on a trip, or in my case go back home and spend time with your family. I guess
all of the college breaks are like that, but it seems as if each new one is
different. Like I mentioned, a number of different people have been reading my
blog, and most of those people are from back home. During spring break my
preacher called me from my hometown church to explain that he had read my blog
in its entirety. We spoke for about twenty minutes about my blog postings, and
he gave me some really intriguing insights. He told me that he enjoyed reading
about all of my experiences, and even mentioned a few stories from his college
days. However, he presented me with a challenge. He asked me to get real with
the reader. To get more personal with what is going on in my life as a college
student. For a minute I was confused because I feel as if I have been pouring
my thoughts and heart into this book. And then he asked me a very important
question, “What have you not succeeded at?” I didn’t know what to think,
primarily because I really hadn’t thought about it. My plan for this book was
to explain how to become a successful college student, but what I didn’t realize
was that I hadn’t really elaborated on the times or the parts of my experience
that hadn’t been successful. The only part that I had explained was how I was
dealing with homesickness. After concluding our conversation I began to ponder
about what I was leaving out, and realized I have a lot to share. So if you don’t
mind, sit back, get a cola, and enjoy this chapter J.
As I write about the negatives or failures I have had while
in college, I don’t want you to be scared about attending college. A wise man
once said, “….I’ve failed over and over
and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” –Michael Jordan
When you begin college you will soon learn that it will
challenge you mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually. In my opinion at
least of one of those traits will be challenged at any given time during your entire
life.
Anyone can tell you that college will challenge you
mentally. However, no one can tell you how it will challenge you. Most are
challenged by either their course load or the feeling of homesickness. The
meaning behind the title of “to change without changing” is that college will
make you a different person, but you should never change who you are. What I
mean by change is that I have seen my life change in a blink of an eye. I
mentioned before that my aunt passed away with cancer right before I moved in
to my dorm in August. My aunt was the backbone of our family. She was the
center and the home of “fun times.” If we were to have a cookout with our
families, we went to Tina’s, if I was bored on the weekend, we went to Tina’s.
Tina was so special to my family, and I am so thankful that God allowed her to spend
her years entertaining my crazy family. When I came home for the first time in
the fall, I found myself thinking about going to Tina’s to hang out. Life is
full of change, and it is so hard sometimes. Coming home to my house is another
story. During the conversation with my preacher, he shared that he believes
that you can never come back home. He explained that home will never be the
same again. Yes, home is where the heart is, but it will never be the same. You
are no longer that little boy running through the hallways. That was a tough
pill to swallow. Every experience is different, but it feels as if I walked off
of the stage on June 8th 2012, and stepped into a college classroom.
It goes that fast, and your life changes just as fast.
The academics in college can challenge you in ways that the
high school classroom never did. In a college class you are surrounded by
people who are just as smart as or smarter than you. The college course load
has been at times hard to handle for me. I find myself getting less sleep, and
having less fun when I have to study for exams. It is never fun to spend a Friday
or Saturday night studying. But, you have to accept it in order to be
successful. I will say that coming to college has made me a better student, but
I haven’t made better grades while in college. In high school I never made a B,
so coming to UNC I thought I could continue that path. After a few failed
exams, I soon learned that probably wouldn’t happen. The point at which you
begin to accept B’s is hard. At least for me I wasn’t used to making that kind
of grade and got really down on myself. For instance, this semester I have not
been doing well in my Italian class. I continually call my mom and tell her how
hard it is, and how I feel like I will never make it through the class. By
being the great mom that she is, she helps me get through it and some of my
stress goes away. When she finally asked me what my grade was in the class, I
told her it was in the B to B+ category. She said, “What?!! Austin, do you know
that I have been praying for you because I thought you were failing?” I didn’t realize
that was how bad my attitude had gotten about the class. I honestly have not
enjoyed that class because I know that the best I can make is a B+. In some
college classes, you will try your hardest, and still make a B. I learned very
quickly that a B is not a bad grade in college. The stress that you give
yourself is actually worse than any grade you could ever receive.
In November, I became an uncle which has continued to change
my life. Since then I have watched my nephew Luke grow and it has been quite an
experience. When you see the happiness a family can have with a little miracle,
it really gives you hope about your future. When I come home I get to see my
nephew, and it is always nice seeing him smile. However, I don’t get to see him
every day like I would like too. Every time that I get to see him, he looks
different. Luke is a lot like my life, everyday something is changing. My
sister and her husband, just recently bought their first home, and it just
happens to be right behind the house I grew up in. The next time that I return
home I will be able to have a good meal, see my nephew, and share a few laughs
in a radius of about 100 feet.
How could college challenge you physically? In a recent article
I read, it said that most college students gain on average a half a pound a week.
This is obtained by overeating, drinking, and lack of exercise. It was hard for
me to believe this statistic, but the article explained that in an average dorm
room people have all of their needs. For example, its only two steps to the
fridge, three to the bed, and one to the desk. In your dorm, you do much less
walking than you do inside your house. I have gained a little bit of weight
while in college, which is surprising to me because I thought I wouldn’t gain
any. I figured I could workout, and eat the right amounts each day. However,
sometimes homework and studying takes priority over working out. The physical aspect
can actually affect your mental outlook. My advice would be to try and do
something active at least five times a week. This is because working out is a
huge stress reliever, and when I am not active I am less productive and feel a
little depressed.
Different people deal with the social pressures of college
in a variety of ways. As you know from reading a previous chapter that I don’t believe
in drinking. If you are coming to college to go partying every weekend, you are
coming for the wrong reasons. I have changed socially in the way that I go
about meeting new people. When I was in high school I felt like I was there to
please other people. So, I would never do some of the things I really wanted to
do. Please don’t get me wrong, I loved every minute of high school, but in high
school you are sometimes bullied or looked down upon if you do something
different. For instance, I would have never dressed up like Tinkerbelle or been
a Banana Man in high school. For some reason or another, college has given me a
since of boldness, or maybe I had it all along.
My spiritual life has never been tested like it has been
tested in these last few months. I haven’t had anyone challenge my faith in a
public setting yet, but I have had to work with my personal faith. I am a Christian,
and God is my number one. However, sometimes I think it would be hard for
anyone to realize that. Some people have heard me cuss, be negative to others,
and seen me miss church on multiple occasions. During the first semester I
actually found myself attending church on a pretty regular basis, but as time
began to progress, the time at church began to diminish. I was more worried
about basketball games, tests, and sleep. Even though all of those are
important, nothing is more important than God. Since I am on my own now, it
seems as if I have figure that continued to realize what God has done for my
family and I. Even though I have realized these things I still haven’t made it
to church like I used to or worked on my relationship with Christ like I would
have hoped. In my opinion, I have fallen into a comfort zone. If you are unfamiliar
with the term “comfort zone” that is just went you are in peace with your life.
No one should ever be in their comfort zone because there is always room for
improvement in one’s life. I am truly disappointed in myself for not attending
church on the Sundays where I just slept in. I knew committing myself to church
would be very difficult, but I didn’t know that it would be this difficult.
Even though I have not been going to church on a regular basis, I still read my
daily devotional every morning. I would advise you to do so as well. There will
be times when you fall into your comfort zone, and feel like you can’t get out,
and by having that devotional it can help pull you out.
After rereading this chapter it’s amazing to look back on
all that has changed in my life in a short amount of time. I lost a hero,
became an uncle, gained a few pounds, and have evolved into a young adult. By
reflecting on my college experience it has given me encouragement about my
future, and hope when times get tough. To be honest, there are times that I feel
like I will never make it across the stage again. When I got to thinking why
this might be, I came upon this conclusion. In high school, I knew I was going
to college after graduation, but after college graduation I have no idea. There
is so much uncertainty about my future, and that is why I have doubt. I have
doubt, however I also have faith in my future because I know the man behind it all
has already done some miraculous things so far.
